We're Back!

Wow!  It's been almost two years since I last posted on this blog.  My apologies to those of you that were tracking this blog.  Anyway, I'm pleased to say that I am back at this, and that my "Precious Princess" is very much alive and well and dazzling us everyday, in both good ways, and sometimes in not so good ways.

Everyday that I'm with this incredible little lady, I'm amazed, so amazed that I'm the daddy of a little girl, a little girl that gets so excited when I walk in the front door.  My boys get excited when I come home, but not like she does.  You'd think that the most wonderful guy on earth just came in through the door.  I hope I'm always that guy to her, but I know that one day "Mr Wonderful" will walk through the door and I'll be replaced.  As for now I have at least 30 years before that snot nosed punk shows up, I'm gonna enjoy this time with my baby girl.

I want to reiterate, and re-emphasize that there is not a day that I look back and regret the decision that we made.  Christ has changed me and Mary's lives through this incredible story and the miracle of adoption.  My life is so much better, with this angel that dances through the halls of my home, along with the echos of her laughter as I tickle her on the living room floor, and amazingly enough the Lord has helped define the message of salvation through the story of adoption.  Always remember that He has adopted us into the kingdom.

Until next time, God Bless

Joe Stapp

   

A Special Visit

Good afternoon, I wanted to take time to remember something very special that happened during our visit to Ethiopia.  I'm afraid that if I don't write it down that my memory will fade when it comes time to tell our Bangel.  While in Ethiopia the adoptive parents get the opportunity to meet the biological parents, or parent in our case.  We were given that opportunity, and cautiously agreed to it.  I'm so glad that we did.

If my memory serves me correctly out of 8 to 10 families we were one of two families that were given this great opportunity, when it was all said and done  our parent was the only one that had showed up.  As we made the walk from the hotel to the orphanage me and Mary discussed how we thought the visit would go, neither of us really had a clue.  It could go extremely well or extremely bad, we were hoping to at least hit somewhere in the middle.  It's time like this that I thank God for his grace, the visit turned out to be a sad but wonderful experience, and one that I will never take for granted.

As I remember it was mid morning as we walked through the gates of the orphanage, and just like every morning we were swamped by all the children.  We made our way through the courtyard to the carport and the adjacent office that stood connected to the left.  We entered the office and were introduced to Eliana's mother, Yamiserak.  She was a sweet mannered lady about 5'5" as I recall.  We sat and began to speak through an interpretor.  She wanted us to know her story so that we could one day tell Eliana that she was wanted, that she gave her up for adoption as a last resort.  The sad fact of the matter is that Yamiserak has HIV, and as you well know the sad state of affairs in Africa is that it's a death sentence.  Yamiserak fell in love with a man and they were to marry until she became pregnant at which time her fiancé called off the wedding.  She apparently had nothing, no family to turn to nothing.  She worked cleaning houses and when she had Nigist (our beautiful Eliana) she continued to work to make ends meet.  She explained that she went to work with Eliana tied to her back.  Wow, we have it so easy here in the states.  As she was working she became very, very ill yet continued to work until she ultimately ended up in the hospital with pneumonia.  Obviously being ill doesn't enable one to parent very well, she never explained who took care of Eliana during these times.  It was then that Yamiserak realized that things weren't going to get better, and that her child's only hope for a better life was going to be through adoption.  Yamiserak ultimately wanted her daughter to know that she was loved and wanted but life's circumstances said otherwise.

Emotions ran high as she spoke, she was broken hearted, this was her only child and sad to say she knew that she would never see her again.  Well it was our turn to say something, Mary didn't dare speak for fear she would burst into tears.  As for me I'm the emotional one between the two of us, I had to swallow hard before opening my mouth.  When I finally did speak it was to say nothing more than she (Yamiserak) would always have a place of honor in our house, and that Eliana Nigist would know of her mother, and the her mother truly wanted loved her and wanted her.

The visit lasted about an hour, we all three hugged and walked out to the court yard to take some pictures.  Yamiserak said her goodbyes to Nigist and walked out of the courtyard never to see her again, short of a miracle some day.  That poor woman, I can't imagine how the rest of that day went for her, or how her life has been since that day.  I hope and pray that she finds eternal comfort in the decision that she made the day that gave her daughter up for adoption. 

I think to my self sometimes that when Eliana reaches 18 that it would be nice to taker her to the country of her birth, and to track her mother down so that they could be reunited, but the sad fact of the matter is that short of a miracle that will never happen.  Her mother's life will be taken long before she turns 18 by a hideous virus that is decimating the continent of Africa as I write this blog.  What a tragedy, and the only memory that Nigist will have of her mother is a video that I took of our meeting that day and the picture attached above.  At least I was able to preserve that much for her.

God bless Yamiserak and her gift to us.  I pray for her when I think of her, as you read this I hope you'll remember her and say a prayer for her too.  

God Bless,

Joe Stapp

    

    

Dress Up

Well hear it is our first attempt at dress up, Stapp style.  Mary was napping or off grocery shopping, don't quite remember.  While I was in the living room reading the boys come bursting in wanting me to look at Eliana, I immediately went for the camera.  This is apparently dress up in my house, they strapped on all the sparring gear, except for the helmet.  I can't say that she was thrilled, but she was a very good sport about it.

Speaking of dress up, I can only imagine where that will take us in the years to come.  I imagine ballerina outfits, princess outfits, etc...etc...  The precious innocence of our daughters, how amazing is that.

In past years I've become a student of the family, not by default as one would assume by virtue of having kids, but an intentional student, especially with regards to that of fatherhood.  Too many times we just put everything on cruise control and watch our lives fly by.  Completely unacceptable!  I would pray that the men out there become diligent students of the family and of fatherhood.  As men, we can't just play "dress up" just because the biology of husband and wife resulted in the treasure that we recognize as children, or because we traveled the world and adopted a precious child.  We need to diligently seek to improve ourselves [fathers] daily, we need to be proactive and become the intentional fathers that these wonderful blessings deserve.  Take the time to read some books on the matter, I would recommend Dr James Dobson's "Bringing Up Girls" and "Bringing Up Boys", both are incredible books and a good start to getting your PhD in the family.

I don't mean to brow beat anybody but we as men tend to get tied up in allot of unimportant "stuff", things that in the end really mean nothing in the long run.  There is so much at stake here, and many fathers statistically aren't attentive and engaged intimately with their legacy, their children.

Eliana is so cute in that "battle rattle", but I look forward to the princess outfit, she is a princess after all.

God Bless 

Joe

Aug 2010 All rights reserved.

 
  

The Pretty Princess

Hey everybody!! I'm terrible at keeping up on this stuff and need to be more consistent. Well here is a day of new beginnings. Where will I start?

How about the latest drama in the story of our beloved princess. June was a very busy month, as I'm sure it was for all of you. School is out vacations are in full swing and all the good and bad things that happen in everyday life. June found my precious Elliana playing in the living room with her two younger brothers while I was cleaning the garage, and Mary was cleaning the classroom upstairs. Apparently Eliana had slipped on a book and reached back to catch herself and snapped her little arm at the growth plate. Can you believe that!?! 14 years with boys who have relentlessly beat each other with swords, speared one another, clubbed one another, forked one another, yes I said forked (I'll explain one day), but never a broken bone, not one!! Yet my Bangel (cross between a baby and an angel) of 6 months breaks her arm. Go figure. I don't want anybody to get hurt but why couldn't it have been one of my tough little "knuckle draggers"...LOL Oh well it is what it is. Shortly after the visit to the ER (where I was convinced that everybody was judging me as the bald abusive father) she had to have surgery and get three pins put into her arm. Poor thing, I was there with her before she went into surgery and when she got out. Mary unfortunately couldn't go due to the pregnancy and sporadic contractions. Quietly I didn't mind it being just me and her.

I love this little baby-girl so much, she's so special. Anyway she had the pins for three weeks and a cast (soft and hard) to accessorize it. She's since had the pins removed and the cast cut off and she's back to terrorizing the house.

Girls are so special, Elliana can raise a ruckus when she wants to, but it's nothing like the four boys (soon to be five) which bring the atmosphere of the movie "Gladiator" into the inner sanctum of the house. I love it when she talks on her little cell phone, and she twirls around on the living room floor.

My grandmother just passed away this month, in her few possessions that were left behind was a gold powder/music box that I have always loved since before I could remember. I think it plays something from the nutcracker (I'm a guy and not very savvy with things like that), anyway I placed it in her room a couple of weeks ago and every night before she goes to bed I open it up and let it play for her. I hope she likes it, although one day she might chastise me and tell me how that tune sucked!! Oh well I'm the daddy, "suck it up Bangel"! Just kidding I'm sure she loves it, she always smiles brightly when I turn it on.

Well that's enough for now.

Everybody take care and God bless you, our God's pretty awesome to say the least.

Joe

All rights reserved July 2010

Two Great Days!!

This weekend was filled with wonderful memories that were being made. Saturday we celebrated Eliana's first birthday (a few days late but that's ok), and then today (Sunday) we had her dedicated at church. What a whirlwind weekend.

I'm so amazed every time I go and get her out of her bed, or come home from work and see her bright shining face as I walk through the door. She is so precious. I call her Bangel, a cross between a baby and an angel. God is good, sooo good.

It's amazing to think that this is her first birthday, a year ago she was born to a loving mother (which we had the honor of meeting) and due to circumstances beyond her control the Lord has placed her in our care. I truly feel for her mother, it's sad to think of a woman a half a world away today who weeps for Nigist. I hope the Lord brings her comfort in a way that only he can on such a special day. I'll save the meeting between us and her mother for another post, it was an experience that I'll never forget.

In addition to her birthday this weekend we also had Eliana's dedication today in church. What an incredible morning. We did it in the middle service at church, and were fortunate that some of our family could be there to share it with us.

Ian our pastor did the dedication, and handed me the microphone to briefly share a few words regarding our adoption experience, boy was it tough. I don't have problems speaking in front of people by any stretch, in fact I do it quite often in the military. The tough part is overcoming the emotion of my mother's death being a part of making the whole adoption possible but also the emotion of my little girl. Those two together is a recipe for water works, and sure enough there was no holding back (I hate that!). I'm by no means afraid to cry, but on my terms, oh well I balled in front of everybody. All in all it was great to share our experience and for everybody to finally be able to see me and Mary's beautiful angel. The icing on the cake was my four boys standing up there with us, six in total, oops!, seven in total. The Lord has truly blessed the Stapp family.

Many Blessings

Joe

The Big Question

The Big Question, why would you adopt a child

over there instead of over here? It's funny that people would ask that question, in some cases with a level of indignation, believe it or not. Even in a sense that it seemed the tone was in some way questioning my patriotism, kind of the same way people view buying an American car as oppose to an import. Somewhat humorous, but then again not so much. Most Americans have no concept of poverty, real no kidding poverty. The kind of poverty that wreaks with the stench of a death sentence. That's why we adopted from Ethiopia, because poverty in Ethiopia can be just that, a death sentence.

Here in the states we confuse poverty with neglect. I have no doubt, in fact it's well documented that there is an issue with hunger here in the states. I won't refute that, but once again there is the infrastructure and the social programs to provide for those that are less fortunate. If one refuses to get aid and it affects their children, that is neglect, not poverty. I can almost guarantee you that the majority of homes that fit this description probably have a TV in them (with cable I might add) an automobile in the driveway, a cell phone, and probably a pack of cigarettes on the coffee table. Once again there may be an exception to the rule but not many. In Ethiopia and other countries nothing, no safety net for the unfortunate.

Poverty, that is why we adopted from Ethiopia, well second of course to God laying it on our heart that we needed to adopt from there. What a blessing it's been.

Anyway, having a daughter is so special. I can't explain it, boys their rough and tumble, and no doubt Eliana Nigist will be as well, but she's a my Ethiopian queen, the mother of my grandchildren (Lord willing). She's gonna be that gentle hand that some day comforts a Godly husband, that soft voice of encouragement, a precious angel. I just can't explain it, it's just right.

Well I'll be writing some more this weekend, about my beautiful angel so stay tuned.

God Bless,

Joe

The Beginning (continued)

The last blog I referenced how we were able to get the money to afford the adoption. I want to be sure to emphasize that, that event for me was a Romans 8:28 promise, and that promise states: "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose". I say this because when my mom died I needed to know that there was a purpose in it, a no kidding justification as to why my mom had been taken from me. Not that God owes me a justification mind you. So as a result I clung to that promise in that verse that there was something good that was going to come out of it. I just wondered how God would manifest that answer to my question and to what level would it meet my expectations. I'll get to that answer in a later post, sorry I gotta stay on track.

Keep in mind that every state is gonna be different with regards to state policies and the different organizations that you will have to deal with regarding adoptions. When Mary began this I was off to training for eleven weeks, so I'm not very intimate with allot of the paperwork, I do know that it was significant, but manageable. They wanna know everything about you, where you lived, where you've worked, and criminal background checks from every place you've been. Sometimes a pain but understandable when you hear of the horror stories out there of pedophiles adopting children etc... In addition to paperwork there are home studies, and inspections by the Dept. of Children and Family Services, the Health Dept and, well maybe that was everybody. Believe it was enough!

The process for us took about 28 months, I wasn't very happy about that at all, but we had to remember that this is God's timing not ours. That isn't a very easy statement when you're doing everything that you should, and meeting all of your suspense dates, yet there continue to be hang-ups beyond your control. Let me say this in reference to God's timing, if everything had gone like clock work we would've never gotten Eliana Nigist, she wouldn't have even been born yet. In retrospect I'm glad it took 28 months. The majority of people that we met in Ethiopia that were there for adoptions like us, their process on average was about 12 months.

Oops! I almost forgot, because of our adoption being international there is also paperwork involving immigration and the State Dept., foreign court dates, and the US Embassy! It makes your head spin just thinking about it. But I've gotta say in light of all that it's the best thing that we ever did.

All of the heartache and turmoil of lost paperwork, agencies missing their suspense's, foreign court dates, and more foreign court dates all came to a stop on the 27th of December when we finally made it to the orphanage Hannah's Hope. It was there that they came out and handed Mary the newest addition to our family, Nigist. Nigist, which in Ethiopian means Queen, was so beautiful and quiet with no sign of anxiety. I wish I could say that was the case for all the families. Anyway, the moment was so surreal, it was truly a divine moment, we were together with an angel that had eluded our prayers, talks, and dreams for over two years and here she was. We had literally reached the end of our rainbow.

God Bless,

Joe